– Putting ourselves down
Rewriting our inner scripts & openness to change limiting habits
Villain – bad or overly good behavior – hurting others or oneself.
Self-chosen life plan – coping strategies to protect myself from threatening circumstances early in life – no longer relevant in adulthood – become a liability.
To become winners – enjoying life in the here & now – no past baggage – open mind
Capacity for openness – facade – insecurities & vulnerabilities – blinded by my own masks from reality!
Seeing our ‘weaknesses’ as unique assets.
Drivers – self-made walls become a prison.
Cutting my deep/whole self from ourselves.
Social Media & the compulsion to look okay.
“I am not as good as them”
Position of conditioned okayness
Taibi Kahler – 5 drivers
1. Be perfect – can’t learn by trial & error – accurate & reliable – very high standards – What if I lose control?
2. Be strong – self-sufficient – calm under pressure – not affected by others’ opinions – emotionally detached – what if I have to express my feelings & be rejected?
3. Try hard – creative – multifaceted – enthusiastic – too many projects – what if I fail/succeed?
4. Please others – team member – intuition (mind-reading) – can’t say No – what if nobody likes me?
5. Hurry up – works quick – procrastinates – what if life passes me by? (time’s running out)
Driver –> compulsion – I should/must (energy-draining –> stress) – vicious cycle
Anger, sadness & blame
Main & subordinate drivers
Be perfect > be strong > try hard > hurry up > please others
Limiting beliefs – not allowing us to realize our full capacity
Identifying & stepping out of our driver behaviors
Body language. Avoid quick labeling.
7 Process scripts
1. Be perfect – until – purposeful – task-oriented – not able to enjoy the moment – finish work & then have fun.
2. Pleasing others – after – rescues people whether they need his help or not – fear of ignorance/criticism – if I have fun today, I will pay for it later – what if?
3. Be strong – never – appears cold – lonely – will I be unmasked? I never get what I want most.
4. Try hard – why does it always happen to me? – blame others – victim mentality
5. Almost 1 – please others/try hard – hard-working, pleasant – almost there but not yet
6. Almost 2 – be perfect + please others
7. Open-ended – blank future – stranded – extreme form of Almost 2.
One positive stroke changes the mood!
Not-okayness
Worthiness –> growth & change! From self-castigation to self-challenge…
Strategies to ‘step out’ of one’s process script. Our drivers are actually our strengths (blessings in disguise), but they become negative when they are compulsive & restricting.
Autonomy ~ winning
Transactional Analysis
a system of popular psychology based on the idea that one’s behaviour and social relationships reflect an interchange between parental (critical and nurturing), adult (rational), and childlike (intuitive and dependent) aspects of personality established early in life.
Immanuel Joseph's Blog 