Pain Partners

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Pain Partners
// Leadership Network

Sam ChandBy Samuel R. Chand

Our secrets will kill us. They will haunt our dreams, cloud our plans, and distort our relationships. We may harbor secrets because the truth about a single evil past act or a continuing bad habit is too shameful to tell, or we may keep our secrets hidden because we don’t have any real friends who will genuinely listen. Either way, we remain alone, isolated, and desperate to stay hidden.

Kill us? you might object. Surely it’s not that serious. Sometimes it is. When leaders have no place to vent their frustrations and no one to understand their pain, they internalize all the hurt, fear, confusion, and anger. Some experience severe physiological problems that can result in prolonged disease and premature death. And others give up completely. Suicide can become an attractive alternative for leaders who can’t see any light in their future. They feel utter isolation and abject hopelessness. When I need gas for my car, I go to a gas station. When I need food, I go to a grocery store or restaurant. Every leader needs to ask: “Who is filling my emotional tank? Who is giving me the sustenance of hope, joy, and understanding?”

Leaders in business, nonprofits, and churches desperately need to find someone who has no agenda except to listen without judging and love without any strings attached. The existential angst of hopelessness and despair can only be addressed in community—close relationships with at least one, preferably a few, who genuinely cares for us. Nothing less will do.

Almost three out of four pastors say they regularly think of leaving the ministry,[1] many because they don’t have a single close friend. Only a few have been loners all their lives. Most of them had wonderful, meaningful connections in the past, but something happened: people moved away, the stress of the job sucked the time and life out of one or the other or both, people got too busy and stopped calling and having coffee, a simple misunderstanding grew into an irreparable schism, or betrayal shattered a trusted bond. Whatever the cause, most pastors have no one to lean on, no safety valve, no understanding ear, and no shoulder to cry on.

Pain can only be effectively managed in a trusting, affirming, honest community—not necessarily a large community, but at least a few people who genuinely understand. Most leaders have to endure seasonal storms that last for a while and then subside. For pastors, however, the storms never stop. The torrents keep coming. Without a strong, supportive community, pastors wither away under the pressure. Consider the following questions:

  • Who in your life “gets you” and doesn’t think you’re weak or strange when you wrestle with the complexities of your role?
  • Who listens to you without feeling compelled to give you advice?
  • Who asks second and third questions to draw you out instead of giving pat answers, simple prescriptions, and easy formulas?
  • Who is your safe haven so you can be completely honest and open?
  • Who fills your spiritual and emotional gas tank?

The answer to these questions identifies your pain partner—a most cherished friend. In my consulting, I strive to be a safe person with whom people can honestly share their pain.

Stressed-out people are fragile, brittle, and prickly. They aren’t usually the most patient people, but keeping friends requires the trait of bearing with people when they are annoying, difficult, and defensive—people just like us! We need wisdom to know when to call a friend on his foolishness and when to let it slide. If it’s a recurring problem or one that can cause irreparable harm, we need to step in and speak up and then bear with our friend while he processes what we’ve said. But more often we need to let mildly offensive words evaporate in the warmth of our love and understanding. If God nicked us for every foolish, selfish, or offensive thing we thought or said, we’d never have a minute to think about anything else. God bears with us all day, every day. His Spirit very carefully picks the moments to convict us. We should do the same with our friends. A lot of the time, we just need to shut up and be supportive. That’s bearing with those who are hurt, brittle, or annoying.

We need to invest our hearts and our time in rebuilding a relationship that has been broken. And if we’re friends long enough, misunderstanding and conflict are inevitable. Healing doesn’t just happen. In the human body, red blood cells constantly carry nutrients to every part of the body, and when there’s a sickness or a wound, the white cells rush the body’s healing properties to the site. We invest in the friendship by focusing now on what’s good and admirable about our friend—instead of clobbering him in our hearts like we did before we starting the healing process. Remember what brought laughter and meaning before the break. Camp out there again, and see if the fires are rekindled.

When we’re in pain, the last thing we may want to do is pick up the phone and call someone to ask for help. Everything in us screams, “Hide! Don’t be vulnerable! Protect yourself at all costs!” That voice sounds reasonable, but it leads to further isolation, misery, and despair.

When you’re in trouble, don’t wait. Pick up the phone. Call someone and ask for help. It’s essential for your mental and emotional health, and it’s necessary for you to be the leader, spouse, and parent you want to be.

Radical Theology Cliff Notes – Home-Brewed Christianity

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s354/sh/a39b291a-6a78-4a10-9d4b-2726b9b87476/fcb1673f714d2b4f7fe6f2ee76f08922

Radical Theology Cliff Notes – Home-Brewed Christianity

Radical Theology Cliff Notes VISIT WEBSITE ➜

Radical Theology Cliff Notes

Sometimes you stumble into something so wildly different than anything you have encountered before that it can give you a bit of whiplash.

When this happens in the realm of theology – it can cause a level of trauma to your faith that it feels as if it will never recover.

This is where translators and apologist can come in and play a healthy role.

I am not a practitioner of Radical Theology per-se. I am more of a practical theologian who is in dialogue with ( or informed by ) schools of thought that might challenging to the population as a whole ( or at least those who occupy the pews ).

I received this week’s notes from one Mr. Tripp Fuller that he intended to utilize on the most recent episode of the High Gravity reading group co-hosted by the incomparable Peter Rollins. I took one look at them and thought to myself:

“Self… folks may not know what some of this stuff means. This is sad because much of it has deep implications on living out faith in the 21st century and even deeper implication on the cultural conversation that each of us finds ourselves caught up in the middle of.”

SO I thought it might be interesting to throw a few of the notes out there and to attempt to attach a helpful note on a few items.

Here is what I am up to: if you feel like you are interested in a Radical approach but find it out of reach or unclear … please respond in the comment section and we can either A) figure this out together or B) I will point you in a helpful direction if I know of one.

Before we start – couple of overly-simplistic definitions:

Radical Theology – a theological approach that is not tied to a congregation, denomination or other sanctioning body. The freedom of not being anchored in a confessional approach allows thinkers to interact with daring, innovative and contemporary schools of thought without consequence of consideration of how the outcome will impact faith communities (at least not primarily).

Confessional Theology – a theological approach rooted in both historic tradition and local expression. Confessional theology takes classical perspective and either tries to update it for the current context or attempts to return to some previous incarnation with the hopes of a purer expression or acceptable orthodoxy/practice.

Theo-poetics – born out of an awareness that all of our god-talk is both perspectival and provisional. When we speak of god/the divine we do so in imagery, metaphor, and symbol. This awareness of our limitations of language release us to confess that our signifiers (symbols) can never fully or truly represent that which they signify. The result is a freedom to explore, innovate, ratify, renovate and adapt our god-language in order to both expose idolatry and inspire creativity in how we express our beliefs.

Big Other – As Tom explains below “(in very simple terms) the set of customs and rules that regulate our horizontal social interaction and belief”. One way of conceiving of this is “That is to say, ‘the big Other’ is the ambience of the situation that comes through human ways of following situational “rules.” That is, without human beings, there is no ‘big Other.’” Addressing the Big Other is often manifest in a critique of a projection of a watcher in the sky sort of conception of god.

Here are some of Tripp’s notes:

Radical Theology v Confessional

1) Radical Theology is parasitic to Confessional Theology… on its behalf. Radical Theology is being faithful to what is harbored in the name of ‘God’ – the event & not the tradition on the tradition’s terms.

2) Radical Theology reserves the right to ask any question. Because Confessional Theology is accountable to a tradition & its institutions there will be places where questionsconversationsoperating conclusions will serves as “conversation stoppers.” Places in which that activity of critical thinking puts one out of the building. (ex. Trinity or Same Sex Marriage)

3) Radical Theology seeks to be EXPOSED to the Event w/in the Confessional Theology tradition but not PROPOSE a new articulation of the tradition.

4) Radical Theology rejects both the apathetic silence about the Big Other & the theistatheist debate about the Big Other. The Big Other does not exist.

5) Radical Theology displaces the boundaries & certainty of ‘belief’ w/in Confessional Theology – the “how” w/out articulating another ‘what.’ Why? Whatever the ‘what’ is w/in a tradition doesn’t correlate to ‘how’ it is enacted.

6) Radical Theology affirms the Event contained IN but not BY Confessional Theology.

7) Radical Theology is a material (therefore a political) theology. God’s insistence is about our existence, here in the world, in relationships, & not about our continued or reanimated existence elsewhere. Radical Theology is about faith enacted for this world, not faith in another.

8) Radical Theology leaves the logos of Confessional Theology behind for theo-poetics. For the Radical Theology there is no divine-logic to be learned or sacred syllogisms to be mastered. When ‘words’ are used to close the circle around the truth, the poet protests ‘words’ enslavement… their demonic possession of the impossible possibilities that vanquished on behalf of the actual – the certain – the final – the verdict of Confessional Theology.

I thought it would be helpful at this point to outline how Caputo frames the turn from Confessional to Radical Theology in his amazing and short book “Philosophy And Theology” . In chapter 5 he illustrates 3 turns that converge together to make the BIG turn.

First up is the Hermeneutical Turn – this a confession we each read a text or interpret our experience from an angle. We all have a location and that means that we all see things from an angle.

Second is the Linguistic Turn – this is a recognition that every discipline and every tradition has its own set of vocabulary and concepts that form the ‘rules of the game’. Just as one can not play ‘Sport’ but plays A sport (football or baseball) so one can not speak ‘Language’ but A language. One can not practice ‘Religion’ but A religion. One must learn and abide by the rules of language game that one is playing.

Third is the Revolutionary Turn – this is an admission that things change… or rather that the way we see things changes. Working off of Kuhn’s idea of ‘paradigms’ and scientific revolutions, we readily admit that even where the data does not change (the universe) the way that we conceptualize it does periodically alter in radical ways.

These three come together to form the Postmodern Turn . They are also helpful for illustrating the sort of thing that Radical Theology is up to.

If you have any questions or comments I would love for post them below!

__________

I also want to acknowledge that I left out references to Hegel, Heidegger, Wittgenstein, Tillich, Descartes, and Kant. We can do all of that in a subsequent post if you want.

Immanuel Joseph

Radical Theology Cliff Notes – Home-Brewed Christianity

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Jottings

19.3.15

– “O the beauty of the human body!”
Vs.
“Shame, shame, puppy shame!”

– As I go along in my personal journey, I seem to be changing into another species totally different from all the others around me……
Hmmm… So how can this (crisis) be handled??
Should I move to another society/culture more conducive to my temperament & outlook? Is that a cop-out? Didn’t Socrates refuse (silence &) exile?

– Herd mentality
Vs.
The vocation of the gadfly
Just because someone has beliefs that are shared by the majority of people, does that mean that person is a ‘sheep’?
Just because someone has eccentric views, does that mean that person is a great or excellent person?

– “There is nothing natural about becoming or staying Christian!”

– Distinguish:
“I am Christian”
Vs.
“I am a Christian”

– Responsible risk-taker

– This world appreciates & rewards qualities which have nothing to do with (someone like) me……
Commitment, loyalty, dependable, consistent, dedicated, helpful, GOD-fearing, etc.

– Prayer-partners, collaborators & sponsors

– My blog title photo – the real Word (books) in the background, & reflected life (door) in the foreground……

– How is it that we experience solitude in a crowded park?!

– Disclaimer: I am not a role-model, I am a thought-leader & life-guide. I provoke & educate, so don’t admire or imitate, just listen & (selectively) assimilate……

– When life doesn’t pose (external) problems, then we manufacture our own (internal) challenges!

– Am I a mean & cruel person?
Am I a monster?
Am I a narcissist?
Am I a psychopath?
Am I a sociopath?
Am I utterly selfish & corrupted?

– Specialist functions – grumble, murmur, complain, lament, nag, upset, tantrum, quarrel, anxious, insecure, envy, possessive, dependent, demanding, etc., etc., etc.

– The offence of misery!

– Unfeigned

– Which is more terrifying – suffering or death?
Is death the ultimate suffering or is it the end of all suffering?
Is there life after death? If so, what is it like?
Is there life before death? If so, what is it like?
Is there death during life? If so, what is it like?

– The LORD our maker is the great king above all Gods!
What does it take to test & prove this GOD?
My very heart & soul!

– “Be telling of his salvation from day to day…”

– My job is to make people more independent, self-motivated & disciplined…
So that they no longer need me (as they used to), for their growth!

– Worshipping the LORD
Vs.
Fear of the Gods

– Empowering by ascribing honour!

– Gospel-judgment
Behold, He comes
To set all things right!

– “Worship the LORD, all you powers!”

– “Be grateful for the remembrance of his holiness.”

– “John did no miracle: but all things that John spake of this man were true…”

– “Endue thy ministers with righteousness.
And make thy chosen people joyful.”

20.3.15

– Distinguish:
M.P (Parliament)
&
M.L.A (Legislative assembly)
Bicameral legislature

– Surreptitious

– Painted history

– Misogynistic levity

– A damp squib

– Lampoon

– “I know GOD better than I know myself.” –  Arthur Vogel

– I still don’t think that the time is right for me to do ‘outreach’ or extend the breadth of my ministry……
Yes, that time might never come!

– I will from GOD & to GOD,
I will for myself,
And I will with others.

– “GOD, Prayer & Healing – Living with God in a world like ours” by Arthur Vogel
Could this be one of the best/greatest books I have ever read?!

– “How difficult is it to be Rahul (Gandhi)?”

– “I know GOD better than I know myself.” –  Arthur Vogel
Therefore I know neither of them well enough!

– I still don’t think that the time is right for me to do ‘outreach’ or extend the breadth of my ministry……
Yes, that time might never come!

– I will from GOD & to GOD,
I will for myself,
And I will with others.

– “GOD, Prayer & Healing – Living with God in a world like ours” by Arthur Vogel
WOW…
Eminently quotable – could this be one of the best/greatest books I have ever read?!

21.3.15

– Lord, deliver me from the stranglehold of this ‘ministry mentality’!
This transition from doing/activity/impact to being/lifestyle/influence really feels like death…..

– Where do you derive your sense of identity (& significance) from?
If it is anything or anyone around you, then you’re done for!

– What if there comes a time when there are only 0 people in my ministry circle?!
Hmmm…… That is not possible, because there will always be at least one (me)!  😉
And I will (if I can help it & by Grace) always have at least one other ongoing genuine friendship –  good enough for me!

– Google doodle

– He/she who is never willing to be the villain can never become the hero/heroine!

– Sex tourism
Wiki Sex Guide

– “Theorizing Bruce Lee”!

– Philosophical Nunchakus

– Interpellation

– Identity Studies

– Anti-disciplinary

– Foregrounding

– Discursive fields

– Caravel

– The other face/body

– Fetishistic

– Pugilism

– Interimplicated
Chiasmus

– The constitutive encounter with the other”

– Liminality
Inter-culturality

– Fixation
Prepossession

22.3.15

– “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
In thee our fathers trusted, & were not disappointed…

But thou, O Lord, be not far off!

You who fear the Lord, praise him (in the great congregation).
For he has not despised or abhorred our affliction,
And he has not hid his face from us!

All the ends of the earth shall remember & turn to the Lord,
For dominion belongs to the Lord.”

WOW! Because he has participated in our suffering-death (& conquered), we are saved……

– GOD is the only one who knows us utterly from within!

– He speaks, & shows himself, to us through our own (inspired) words!

– He puts his awesome praise into my mouth!

– How do the suffering of GOD, the confession of our sin & the remembrance of death go together?

– The Kingdom of GOD ~ the fight to set men free

– The GOD-forsakenness of Christ crucified – when you seek to have compassion on another, you must turn your face away from your own (vicarious) suffering!

– Blame it all on the Devil.
Why does Jesus also play this game along with us?!

– We need a new hamartology & demonology!

– WHY does GOD allow the weeds to be planted among the weeds, & WHY does he allow them to grow together even after knowing about the enemy’s work?

– How will I know if I am a child of the Devil?

– It is NOT our job to identify & separate the good people and the bad.

– Distinguish:
The critical thinker (curiosity)
&
The rebel without a cause (pride)

– The weeds within the Church & the wheat in the world…

– What does it mean to lie to GOD? Is it even possible? Do I do this?

– Mat. 13:26 – when… then…

– Darnel

– Mat. 13:29 – No! Not now, because I greatly value the wheat. It is better for 10 guilty people to escape than for 1 innocent person to be punished.
Discernment (distinguishing truth & falsehood) is an arduously patient task! The one who can wait will ultimately succeed.
So continue to grow in BOTH the Evangelical AND the Liberal traditions…

– The sinfulness of mankind & the silence of GOD

– So should we also allow the weeds to grow, corrupt & weaken our communities & institutions??

– Truth as open secret & esoteric knowledge

– GOD is a material socialist & a spiritual capitalist!

– 2 contrasting problems in Ministry:
Quantity without quality
&
Quality without quantity
What can be done about this? Should the 2 different groups join hands in order to complement each other?

– Objectification – define, control & use.
Subjectivize! Subjectivize! Subjectivize!
Amen.

23.3.15
– Self-medication

– Observed Earth Hour today, from 9:25 – 10:25pm

– Nonevent

– “ Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. ” – Mark Twain

24.3.15

– BBW

– 101

– Proteas

– southpaw

25.3.15

– I ought to do what I want
Vs.
I want to do what I ought
I must do what I can
Vs.
I can do what I must

– Why is Peter Rollins single??

– True wisdom is as far from knowledge as it is from ignorance!

– First of all, I must learn to embrace my own brokenness!
Only then can I even attempt to love (another)…

– Who would I be, & how would I live, if there were no external demands or constraints placed on me? What would happen if I sought to express myself with absolute freedom??
Living purely out of internal needs & desires.
But what about faith & values?
Only one who has experienced the freedom to express oneself fully can identify what he/she is willing to work toward & suffer for!

– No marriage,
No ministry,
No work,
No social duties,
What remains?!

– If religious devotion is the assimilation of the id by the superego, then what would the assimilation of the superego by the id be?!

– The wife wants the husband to provide her with a sense of security & stability? But what if marriage itself is a house built on sand?!

– What happens when you tamper too much with the floor on which you’re standing?
But is there no way of seeking truth & protecting yourself as well?

– The economics of spirituality

– What is gained by destroying all these props?
And what is lost by preserving these crutches?

– No more teaching, mentoring or counseling.
Only living, learning & loving!

– I can no longer be obliged, accountable or answerable to another person! It is time I set all those around me free (from me) as well……

– The familiar has such a vice-like grip upon me! A new or different mode of existence is almost unimaginable……
After all these grand, radical thoughts, & some small wild attempts at change, I find myself automatically returning to the same old arrangements again & again & again!
Am I doomed to this merry-go-round??

– I don’t know what I really want.
I don’t know what is most valuable to me.
That is why I must get rid of everything else, so that I can figure out myself a little better.
I can’t be playing all these diverse social roles as I go on this spiritual adventure!

– What do you do when you realize that someone close to you needs you badly, even though you are not that dependent?
How do you deal with this relationship, especially when your inner nature is raring to break free & run wild?

26.3.15

– I want to understand why & how India’s performance in the cricket World Cup has been so different (much better!) from their latest tour (of Australia)…
Maybe it’s just NOT playing against Australia!
I think this semi-final is proving that thesis. India looked so great in the World Cup this far, only because they were NOT playing against their nemesis…
– Why are people (male & female) threatened by beauty (especially feminine or erotic)?!

– Trying too hard can be a big obstacle to winning!

– Do you know how to adapt your game to the match situation?

– Do you know how to ‘pace your innings’ well?

– What you hate to watch is your team playing lethargically & carelessly! You don’t mind supporting them when they’re playing with intensity & intelligence, and then go on to lose…
So how do you want to live out your days??

– What is most lacking in my life now is a string of hard-working days!
I think I have over-compensated to the busy lifestyle of my culture, but maybe that is necessary when you are so grossly outnumbered……

– Smarmy
Anodyne

– “Capitalizing on one’s own dramatically enhanced brand equity…”

– “Invent your own career”

– Brand – an identity or image considered to be an asset

– Pushing the boundaries of a particular field, & then leveraging those new ideas into broad public influence

– Do something everyone else in your field thinks is dumb, and be right about it.

– Intentional ignorance & closed-mindedness is as dangerous as it is unethical!

– Virality

– Moniker

– Infosphere
Page ranking

– Watching (almost) the whole match today was definitely NOT worth it (even if India had won)!
Why should I be a spectator & cheerleader for someone else, when I could be playing my own game?!

– The pulpit descending to the level of the pew
Vs.
The pew being raised to the level of the pulpit
Vs.
The pulpit digging deeper under the level of the pew!

27.3.15

– In spirituality, all negligence (witting or unwitting) is criminal!

– Always ask: How does this theory/perspective affect attitude/practice?

– Study:
1. Liturgical/Biblical
2. General – Newspaper, course, book, brain-training
3. Specific – personal issue-based
4. Preparation for ministry meetings
5. Random

– Atomistic literalism
Vs.
Contextual interpretation

– Commentaries:
Philological
Vs.
Homiletical

– Faith as radical doubt of all systems & structures, that also maintains the great value & significance of life!

– A scientific study of the Bible

– Jewish
Vs.
Christian
Vs.
Islamic

– “The Guide to the Perplexed”

– Synthesizing & harmonizing the various voices gone before us, and finally integrating them into our own orchestra!

– The erosion of (almost all!) shared assumptions

– No critique, no progress!

– Zohar

– What is the difference between mystical & allegorical interpretation?
Allegorical interpretation includes discovering the hidden moral, theological & mystical/spiritual/cosmic meanings of the text.

– Pastoral care = leadership + teaching + preaching + counseling

– A sophisticated culture finds the Scriptures alien, obscure & crude!

– Biblicism
Vs.
Spiritualism
Vs.
Intellectualism
Vs.
Existentialism

– The ancient Liberals!

– Apostolic succession, rule of faith & anarchistic interpretation

– The lawyer
Vs.
The philosopher

– The prophet
Vs.
The apologist

– The priest
Vs.
The poet

– Traditionalists
Vs.
Radicals
Vs.
Moderates

– GOD = creation = salvation = resurrection = evolution = light = love = truth = beauty = goodness = life!